Posts Tagged ‘eating disorder’

I woke up this morning realizing that sometimes I leave some things unsettled.  I tout myself as this great communicator but sometimes I fall short…..I also recognize that I am not alone in this and that I should not be so hard on myself.

That being said, I wanted to kind of explain what this particular blog is all about….because I get the feeling that many of my friends who read this (read: non-blog friends), don’t necessarily understand why I write this blog.

I preface all of this with:  I USED to have a personal blog.  In fact, you could probably still find all of them (yes, I all of them – I had more than one).  On that blog I would write about the things that bothered me, why I was happy/sad/etc.  I was an open book….or whatever you want to call it.

It was all out there for the world to read….or all 5 of my readers to read 🙂

ANYWAY….A few years ago I decided I was going to shift my focus for a few reasons:  1.  No one needs to know THAT much about my personal life.  2.  Most people don’t really care all that much unless they are my close friends or family and 3.  I wanted to write about more interesting things….

I decided to write a blog about my fitness/healthy lifestyle.  (Note:  a follow up post is coming as to how I actually got IN to this lifestyle).  The thing is,…..some times I do share personal information about my life but I truly don’t believe it’s as bad as I’ve been informed of in the past.

To clarify….

This blog IS NOT:

-A blog about my close friends and family (although I do mention them from time to time).

-A blog about who I am or if I am dating anyone.  I share this blog with all of my friends on facebook.  I don’t even share if I am “in a relationship” on facebook.  People who know me know what my sitch is…if I have one.

-A blog about being sad or mopey.  Let’s face it – we all have bad days.  DON’T DENY IT.  If I have a bad day, I workout.  THEN, you’ll know about it.

-A blog about how you can change the world.  I am working on changing my own personal world every day – one step at a time.  I don’t have all the answers and neither does anyone else.  I am not always correct and I know that.  I make mistakes and I know that too.


This blog IS:

-A blog about my fitness journey and the experiences I have while on it.

-A blog about running, swimming, spinning, biking, yoga, and whatever other activity I get myself involved with.

-A blog that includes tidbits of my career – teaching or coaching or otherwise.  Those are healthy things that make me a happy person.  I don’t feel as though those things are too personal to share.

-A blog about my ability to stay healthy and happy POST Eating Disorder.  Many of you, who have not read my ‘about me’ section, may not even know I am a recovering Anorexic.  If you don’t – that’s an EXCELLENT thing.  It means I am living a balanced life.  If you just read that and can’t believe it – also a good thing.  I have worked hard on getting to where I am at in my life and it has been no easy task but all of it has been worth it.

-I blog about my experiences with health, fitness, and my ED because I hope to help someone by showing them IT IS POSSIBLE to recover.  IT IS POSSIBLE to be healthy and live a normal life.  IT IS POSSIBLE to maintain some sort of normalcy.

I make no apologies for the sharing of my information as far as health, fitness, and my ED.  Even if it only helps ONE person….that’s fine with me.  (note: I don’t believe myself to be a martyr, nor will I ever….don’t mistake that statement as a self declaration to being one).

I enjoy writing.  I enjoy working out.  I enjoy helping others.  I enjoy life.

So…..What’s It All About?!?!

Health.  Running.  Swimming.  Biking.  Spinning.  Music.  Reading.  Writing.  Teaching.  Coaching.  Experiences.  Challenges.  Opportunities.  Interactions.  Fears.  Failures.  Wants.  Desires.  Happiness.  Frustrations.

Sounds like a good list to me…..

My questions for you:

What’s it all about for you?

What’s on your life list?

Why do you blog?



Sometimes I get a lot of gruff from my family (ok, mainly mother) about not eating meat.  The minute I say I am tired or have been for a few days, her first comment is, “I really think you’re always so tired because you don’t eat meat”.  

Also, I always think of this scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding every time someone asks me about why I don’t eat meat…..

But back to the first part….anyone else notice a few things about that statement?

1.  Apparently a few days turned into ALWAYS.

2.  She doesn’t even think that maybe I am not sleeping well but instead not giving myself enough food.

3.  Instead of asking me why I’m tired she just assumed I am not taking care of myself…slipping back down that spiral into the EVIL EATING DISORDER STAIRCASE DOWNWARD (to be read and heard in your head in a loud booming voice – kthanks).

Truly – I have learned to ignore it – and I while I realize my mother, and my family, some times feels as though I could resort to the old lifestyle I had the only real thing I can tell them to assure them I won’t is that ‘I am just too damn old to be resorting to something like that’.

Speaking of old…I really felt my body this morning…creek…creek…crack….woot!


I did a bunch of my own reading yesterday and there’s actually a book I have been meaning to read by Ultra Marathoner, Scott Jurek about how a VEGAN diet helped him run his miles.  That’s next on my list (now if only I could stick with one book…and/or stop watching TWW! ha).

While there are definitely some ‘haters’ out there…for the most part, everything I’ve read said it’s actually better for people to be on a basically vegetarian/vegan diet:

Matt Frazier explains, “I became a much stronger runner almost immediately after switching to a vegetarian diet.”  He talks about other Vegetarian Athletes on The No Meat Athlete

ADAPTT lists the amount of professional athletes (including body builders) who are Vegan/Vegetarians.

To balance it a bit – This Guy does not like the idea of a VEGAN/VEGETARIAN athlete…but that’s okay.

And this Q & A from the NYTimes has three different opinions about the Vegan/Veggie diet with athletes.

What I’d eventually like to do is write a review of Scott Jurek’s book and tell you all about it….I’ll get to it.

For now…I feel like I have made the right decision with being a ovo-lacto vegetarian (and on occasion I will eat fish but usually only if I go out).

I think people should stick to what works for them and how they feel after they eat….rather than judge one another based on what they “think” they should be eating. 

***I will however add this – the fact that I am a recovering anorexic, there are still signs and symptoms with people who are either not eating enough or simply making excuses as to why they “can’t eat” such and such a food.  If you, as a friend (and you must be a friend because outsiders will likely feel the wrath of 10,000 suns if you say anything to someone with an ED) feel like something could be up….say something.  I can also write a blog post about that soon.  Let’s just put it this way…if it weren’t for my exboyfriend and college roommate/best friend…who knows what would’ve happened to me.***


Interested in making the switch to VEGETARIAN?!  CHECK OUT SOME HELPFUL TIPS

So tell me, what kind of “diet” do you stick to?

I prefer the 90/10 diet.  I eat healthy 90% of the time and 10% of the time I let loose….. 😉

Also – do you think athlete’s can be vegetarian/vegan??  Thoughts!, please!

I was wide awake at 5am this morning.  No reason whatsoever.  I heard the beep on one of my watches and immediately thought: “Oh my god I forgot to set my alarm, it’s 6am, I’m late!” and then I popped my head up and saw it was only 5.  WTF.  Granted, I fell asleep at 9PM last night.  I am falling asleep earlier and earlier these days but without fail I wake up either 8 hours later OR by 6am no matter what….blerg.

I’ve been thinking more and more about what I am going to do this summer.  A few things are certain:

1.  I am moving.

2.  I am going to coach at Martin’s again.

3.  I will have one group of private lessons each week (read: money).

4.  I will be teaching a spin class on Tuesday nights at Conshy Health and Fitness

5.  I will still have my other spin class on Saturday Morning.

6.  I might pick up another job to help save money.

7.  I have 5 concerts to go to!  Woot!

Elsewhere – I am contemplating one of two challenges.  The first challenge would be to read one classic novel a week – because, why not?  And the other would be to write another novel myself.  I started writing a novel back in November for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) but never finished it.  I just got to a part where I was too sad to keep going and in truth – I have no interest in finishing it.  Maybe some day but for now – I have so many new ideas!

In other news, I got an alumni letter from Renfrew yesterday letting me know that they were having a reunion for people who went through the program there.  It mentioned how you could reconnect with old friends and talk to people about their journey to recovery.  I couldn’t help but think, how is it possible to make real friends when you’re going through an eating disorder…you aren’t really yourself?  It’s weird to me…and I was only an out patient so I didn’t make any friends or meet any new people except for my awesome therapist and my crazy nutritionist who seemed to think that me eating all of the required foods I was eating wasn’t enough (she was dumb….a different story for a different post).  For about 2 minutes I thought it might be good to go to get some support because it’s very difficult to have people understand the way you were thinking or even the lapses of body bullying you might be going through presently.  But then I was like….nah, that’s why I still have a therapist!  Haha 🙂

One more day til the weekend!  YESSSSSSSSSSSS

I just don’t post on weekends.  Not usually anyway.

Today, however, I am giving myself a break.  No, not from working out – I plan to do a long run this morning.  No, I am giving myself a pass/break about getting everything done so quickly and in a timely manner.

I mentioned before that I have a bit of an OCD thing with scheduling.  I need to back up a bit to explain this though….

In high school and possibly even before that now that I think about it, I was really busy.  I was involved in a lot of things.  In middle school too – I would go from school, to sport practice (field hockey in the fall, basketball in the winter and lacrosse in the spring) to cheerleading practice (don’t seem so shocked…I was a cheerleader, get over it) and then home to do homework, usually around 8:30 or so.  That meant that I had about an hour and a half to get any homework I might have finished before I went to bed and even 10 was late for me.  Truth be told, I was usually in bed most nights in middle school by 9 or 9:30.  How?  I did a lot of my homework (if I had any) in school.  It’s funny, despite being in all honors classes, I rarely had homework.

I learned at an early age how to budget my time.  I definitely attribute my ability to be organized and well scheduled to sports and extracurricular activities.  For those of you that have kids or hope to one day…get them involved in some sort of activity where they are required to time manage.  It’s a life saver in college and truthfully something that stays with you the rest of your life.

Not quite me – but I did have a lot of things to juggle.

In high school, I don’t even know HOW I was able to do my homework except for my scheduling and time management.  I figured out times and ways to squeeze in a bit of homework here and there throughout my days.  Most of my weekends were devoted to doing homework and in truth, much of my projects and/or studying was done a day or two before they were due.  I was a great worker under pressure.  In fact, I read somewhere recently that performing under pressure forces our brains to focus solely on the task at hand which is how we are able to accomplish tasks in short periods of time.  Of course, it doesn’t always work for everyone but in many cases it does.  I also know that cramming under pressure doesn’t typically mean you’ll remember what you’re cramming for…however…it gets the job done….but I digress…. I found the time.  It wasn’t until my senior year that I actually had study halls so don’t even think that’s where I was getting my work done.  I was able to do some of it at lunch (despite only having 20 minutes because I usually went to band or chorus the second half of the period).  I also did much of it during play practice.  You see, a typical school day for me looked like this (in swim season):

5:30-7 Swim Practice/7:25-2:25 School/2:30-5 Swim Practice/6-9 Play practice

That’s me, on the left…..:)

So yes, there was an hour in there but usually that hour was reserved for eating dinner and/or figuring out how I was getting dinner.  I used to go home (one of the benefits of only living 2 minutes from school) to get dinner and come back.  Hardly enough time to do homework.  Thankfully, I wasn’t in ALL of the scenes in the plays or musicals which gave me time to do my work.

SIDE NOTE:  I see students these days and they are not nearly involved in as many things as myself or my friends were when we were in high school.  And I also want to note that they don’t have the same focus that my friends and I did/do.  They can’t focus on menial tasks in school let alone during another activity.  Chalk it up to whatever you want but I have a whole other rant on the concept behind ADD/ADHD and other inabilities for students to “focus”.  The short of it – many of my friends had this problem too but you just learned to deal with it instead of using it as a crutch.  It’s bologna the way kids just use their IEP’s as a crutch.  Some, yes, are warranted.  Others, no.  END RANT (for now).

So to get back to what I was saying…scheduling…time management…..A BLESSING IN DISGUISE!  I carried a lot of what I learned into my college experience(s) and now adulthood.  I don’t know how people who are not organized can do it.  I won’t bore you with stories of how my scheduling has helped me because you get the idea…but….I want to share a picture of my planner from last June – a month that should’ve been less busy but with all of the things that were going on in my life at the time…I was eternally grateful for the organization:

So you get the idea…busy.

A friend of mine, last night, asked me if this is part of my control issues…..and I was kind of taken back…..I didn’t really think of it that way…but I suppose it is.  In a world where there is a lot of chaos and there are things I can not control, my schedule is definitely one of them.  It’s no wonder I had tendencies toward and eventually developed an eating disorder….those are clear signs!

I will say this though, I’ve gotten SO much better as I’ve gotten older with being flexible about everything.  I’ve even planned days of REST and Relaxation in there.  In truth though – I do better when I have a lot of things on my plate.  I got better grades, I perform better, I teach better, etc.  I just like it.  And in other ways, having the schedule keeps my anxiety at bay.  The minute I start to feel anxiety, I write it all down.  I’ll even re-write it and re-write it again until I can clearly see that I’ll be okay if I just follow the schedule to get everything finished….

Am I alone in this?  Anyone ever feel like this??? Or am I just a weirdo 🙂