Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

Posted: March 12, 2013 in Life, Running
Tags: ,

Who else has ever heard or uttered this phrase?  I know I have said it to many and have often (truthfully) heard it directed toward me the majority of the time from my father.  He knows me so well 🙂

I am VERY hard on myself.  Incredibly so.  I think it’s why I have the ambition I do.  I feel bad about things that are out of my control – which as I have learned over the years is useless because 1. It serves no purpose and 2. I could use that energy elsewhere.

Yesterday was one of those hard days.  I mentioned that Sunday was the swim team banquet.  I forgot to mention a TON of stuff…mostly about my seniors.  I feel terrible because when it’s your last swim banquet ever, you want someone to speak kindly about you.  I feel like a jerk.  I realize in the grand scheme of things I am not but you can understand my disappointment in myself.  I think I realized how much of a jerk I was when only one of the senior girls came up to thank me, at the end of the banquet, for the season and three years I was with them.  My mom tells me ‘they’re teenagers Kate, they probably didn’t even realize they did it.’  And truthfully, I am not there to be thanked.  I am not there to be noticed.  If I do my job correctly as a coach or even as a teacher, the swimmer/student can succeed without me.  My goal is to be invincible.  But regardless, I feel bad.  I need to let it go.

Additonally, yesterday, I was determined to run.  RUN LIKE THE WIND!  And as I was in the middle of the worst feeling 5 mile run I asked myself – why do I feel that it’s necessary to run so quickly or even at all.  I wasn’t in the mood to do any exercise yesterday.  I worked a half day in the morning and then relaxed on my couch for most of the afternoon.  Why did I force myself to get up and go?  Well, for one – you never regret a workout (although I can honestly say my hip is telling me otherwise) and two – I felt lazy.  And again, I ask myself now.  WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH BEING LAZY?  In my case – nothing.  I am probably (without sounding narcissistic) one of the most active people you’ll meet so when I decide to take a day for myself and do nothing – I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.  It’s actually a very old habit that I thought I was getting better at.

Anyway – today is a new day – a dreary rainy one at that.  Which is perfect for a rest day.  I was watching the biggest loser last night (I LOVE THAT SHOW BECAUSE I WANT TO MARRY BOB EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN) and saw a shirt that Bob Harper was wearing – it said ‘3 on, 1 off 365 days a year’.  And I thought to myself.  Why don’t I do this?  I’m ridiculous.  Of course I need more rest.  That’s what my body is telling me.  SO.  Today.  Is a rest day.  Tomorrow I’ve scheduled a long run because I am hoping to feel rejuvenated.  If not….I will push it back to Thursday.

  1. adambarr1106 says:

    Again, your usual courage in sharing yourself. I have had similar thoughts and feelings, and I find there’s a big overlap between being to hard on oneself (bad, of course) and holding oneself to a high standard (good, just as of course). I prefer to err on the side of greater psychic risk to me: my efforts to improve will help me withstand it.

    Rest? Yep, crucial, and a 3-1 ratio is still good and work-heavy.

  2. Dad says:

    Fitz those girls know how lucky they were to have someone who cared so much be their coach and like your mom said they are teenagers.Be proud of a job well done you will forever be one of the people who shaped their lives and are better people for knowing you.
    As for the whole exercise thing you know how I feel about that give yourself permission to chill when you need to ,love you.

    • k8efitz says:

      Except of course I just received an email from a parent complaining that I didn’t mention their child at the banquet – so that’s awesome

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